* I met with our Priest today. It was the first time I've ever actually had a meeting with him by myself. Typically the hubby's with me. And quite frankly I don't talk much. Jacob's very well spoken and much more 'scholarly' than I am so there really isn't a need for me to chime in much. It was really nice to talk to someone about Orthodoxy. And about where I am in life.
* While meeting with my Priest I realized something. I have an extremely hard time talking about Zoe out loud. I know, you're probably saying "duh" because I'm obviously still very much struggling with my miscarriage. I write about it on here. I think about it constantly. But very rarely do I speak about it. I guess it's just something I carry on the inside? I honestly had never realized until the very moment he brought it up and I was instantly overcome with sadness and pain. I choked back tears, trying to formulate sentences in response to his questions. Quite frankly, it's not ok. I obviously need to talk about Zoe. Not talking about her doesn't make it any less of a reality (maybe that's what this weird 'hold it all inside' attitude is subconsciously?!). So that is going to be a goal of mine. I want to talk about Zoe. I want to remember that I have a child in Heaven. Not just in my head, but in real life. This is kind of a big undertaking considering the vast majority of my conversations are held with toddlers but I think I can find a way to do this. And I want to try.
* We started a 'feeding protocol' with Jack and his tutor to get him to start trying new foods. To say that it is going well is really the understatement of the century. He literally HASN'T protested. He's been totally cool with it. So far it's just been single foods (I do think it will be harder with foods that are several ingredients) but even today his tutor commented that she could tell he didn't like the pineapple but continued to comply anyway. How unbelievably awesome is that?! And to top it off, this kid is eating like never before. And not grilled cheese 3 meals a day! Just today he ate eggs, sausage, a whole can of V8 blend (technically he drank that but it was a new item), goldfish, watermelon, pineapple, chips and salsa, a 'hot dog sandwich' (hot dog with cheese wrapped in bread), and various other snacks through out the day. What an amazing blessing. Seriously. I have spent many hours concerned about how we would get Jack to eat and starting to put on weight. But it's like he's a totally changed kid the last few days. He even insisted on eating broccoli and watermelon for supper Thursday night- and he ate almost the entire head of broccoli! This is absolutely an answered prayer. And I'm so thankful!!
* Aside from the eating, Jack is really doing all around incredibly well the past few days. When I got home this evening we had about 2 hours before bedtime. Liam, Jack, and I played board games for over an hour with no fighting or screaming- which has NEVER happened before. He was completely calm, cool, and collected. There were several times where I got lost just staring at him. As if someone had swapped out my child for another. I don't really know what to make of it to be honest. He's talking better than ever. Conversing more frequently than ever. It's amazing! We were sitting next to each other watching Jacob play some video games this evening and Jack actually reached over and rubbed my back with his hand. Something I do to the boys all the time. Just that nice, I love you, I'm here, quick brush along your back. He's never done that before. I looked at him and he looked right into my eyes and smiled at me. There are no words to describe it. It was something I will never forget. We sat next to each other for quite awhile longer and looked back over at him to see that he was totally mimicking me! I had been leaning forward with my head resting on my hand and he was doing the same thing. Something is changing in Jack. He's growing and maturing. It's so incredibly beautiful. I am so in love with and so proud of my son.
* Tonight I feel the most sincerely happy I've felt in a long time. Not that surface happy, nothing's going catastrophically bad right now, but a sincere, deep in my soul happiness. Something that I've been longing for for such a long time. I am incredibly blessed. And I am incredibly thankful.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes
As you've probably noticed, I've been trying to customize the blog to my liking. It's been a process. I actually had it to a point I really liked it once and went to try to change some things and ended up completely screwing it up and not being able to revert it. But I think I've come to a stopping place. The photo in the background is actually one of my favorite photos I've ever taken- it's nice to be able to use it for something where people will actually get to see it :)
It is the gift of God
So I sold the stroller... I'm a little sad but I'm also relieved... we were pretty broke and so being able to sell the stroller has lifted a huge weight off our shoulders. And so I'm thankful too.
I put little man down for a nap and sat down in front of the computer. Ever had that feeling that you want to do something but you don't know what? That was exactly what I felt! I decided to pull out a canvas from under our bed (I stocked up at the last 40% off sale! I refuse to pay astronomical prices for blank canvases) and sat down with my bucket-o-paint. I came across a bible verse that I thought would go great in our kitchen...
I put little man down for a nap and sat down in front of the computer. Ever had that feeling that you want to do something but you don't know what? That was exactly what I felt! I decided to pull out a canvas from under our bed (I stocked up at the last 40% off sale! I refuse to pay astronomical prices for blank canvases) and sat down with my bucket-o-paint. I came across a bible verse that I thought would go great in our kitchen...
It's not finished yet but I got the verse on there! You can't tell all that well but I painted the background to look almost old and distressed looking and then made a dark red color for the text. Our kitchen is pretty bare with only a few pictures of chickens (it started as a joke but I've fallen in love with our eclectic chicken kitchen) so the colors on this match wonderfully and will be a great addition! Now to let it dry and figure out what else I want to put on there to fill up the empty space...
Moving on
I am a bit of a pack-rat. I like to keep things. Arguably too many things.
We have piles and piles of 'junk' in our garage that still needs to be sorted/trashed/donated. It's overwhelming and that is exactly why nothing has been done with them.
But we're trying to cut down on stuff in our house. Try to live with less. Especially the things that we don't need anymore.
So yesterday I decided to put our super expensive, wonderful, deluxe jogging stroller on Craig's List. We purchased it after we moved here in 2009. It was probably the most expensive thing we've ever bought other than our car and one of our t.v.s. Yes, it was that expensive. It took a lot of convincing to get Jacob to go along with it but I successfully made my case and we were the proud new owners of a BOB duallie stroller.
We used it a lot at first. The boys loved it because it was super comfy. The seats lay down, it has shock absorbers, a pivoting front wheel... It is quite a stroller. Part of my argument for purchasing it was that the weight limit is so high, the boys could ride in it forever! Well, it's true the weight limit allows that but the boys no longer enjoy being cooped up in anything. They are independent little men and want to walk everywhere. So we just don't use it anymore. Ever. It's actually been a couple months since I pulled it out of the garage and even then it was quite a battle to get them in it.
So we're getting rid of it. I have a lady coming in a couple hours to look and several people waiting anxiously to get a chance at it if she doesn't take it. I'm happy that it's going to be so easy to get rid of it and that we're going to get at least a portion of the enormous amount of money we paid for it. But I'm still really, really, really sad.
You see, this is kind of an end of an era for me. We will no longer own a stroller. The boys are too old now. They're certainly not babies anymore... Zoe isn't coming... And quite frankly it's not looking very likely we will ever have another baby. It breaks my heart.
Life is moving. It never stops. I'm not sure I'm ready for this. Why do kids have to grow up so fast?
We have piles and piles of 'junk' in our garage that still needs to be sorted/trashed/donated. It's overwhelming and that is exactly why nothing has been done with them.
But we're trying to cut down on stuff in our house. Try to live with less. Especially the things that we don't need anymore.
So yesterday I decided to put our super expensive, wonderful, deluxe jogging stroller on Craig's List. We purchased it after we moved here in 2009. It was probably the most expensive thing we've ever bought other than our car and one of our t.v.s. Yes, it was that expensive. It took a lot of convincing to get Jacob to go along with it but I successfully made my case and we were the proud new owners of a BOB duallie stroller.
We used it a lot at first. The boys loved it because it was super comfy. The seats lay down, it has shock absorbers, a pivoting front wheel... It is quite a stroller. Part of my argument for purchasing it was that the weight limit is so high, the boys could ride in it forever! Well, it's true the weight limit allows that but the boys no longer enjoy being cooped up in anything. They are independent little men and want to walk everywhere. So we just don't use it anymore. Ever. It's actually been a couple months since I pulled it out of the garage and even then it was quite a battle to get them in it.
So we're getting rid of it. I have a lady coming in a couple hours to look and several people waiting anxiously to get a chance at it if she doesn't take it. I'm happy that it's going to be so easy to get rid of it and that we're going to get at least a portion of the enormous amount of money we paid for it. But I'm still really, really, really sad.
You see, this is kind of an end of an era for me. We will no longer own a stroller. The boys are too old now. They're certainly not babies anymore... Zoe isn't coming... And quite frankly it's not looking very likely we will ever have another baby. It breaks my heart.
Life is moving. It never stops. I'm not sure I'm ready for this. Why do kids have to grow up so fast?
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
TGIM
I can't believe I'm uttering that phrase. Thank God it's Monday. This weekend was just awful. I can sincerely say I wish we had gone straight from Friday evening to Monday morning. For real.
Basically everything that could possibly go wrong over the weekend did. But especially Saturday evening to Sunday.
Saturday night after having quite a bummer of a day Jacob and I decided to skip church for the evening and go out to eat and catch a movie instead. We only have a babysitter on Tuesdays and Saturdays so we rarely get to go out and do anything because we attend church those nights. Babysitter was of course late, we weren't ready to leave anyway, kids were going nuts as we were trying to leave the house- this should have been a sign... But we decided to pursue dinner and movie anyway.
The movie we wanted to see was at 7 so we didn't have much time to eat since we left late. So we decided to just grab a bite at a taco place we had a coupon for that is in the mall that the theater is in. We first bought our tickets and then scrambled down to the taco place. We spent nearly 20 minute in line waiting because the person in front of us was trying to use a weird coupon that the cashier didn't know how to enter into the computer. By the time we paid and got our food we sat down, inhaled it, and raced back to the theater. I insist on getting popcorn and soda, if I'm going to the movies I MUST have popcorn and soda! Of course the line we got in was the slowest. It took forever and by this point it was 7 o'clock. We get up to order and Jacob has lost his credit card!! Now the really impressive part about this is that he just got it. Literally. He activated it at about 5:30 before we left the house. But he had used it at the taco place so we knew he had it. So I paid cash for my snacks and Jacob raced down to the taco place to see if anyone found it. Which of course they hadn't. Because of all this we were stuck in the second row from the front of the theater. Popcorn was burnt tasting. Soda was flat. Just plain awful. And the movie wasn't that great either.
We never found Jacob's card. I think he must have thrown it in the trash when we cleaned up after eating. I remember the cashier handing it back to him wrapped in his receipt. No receipt anywhere, no card either. It's safe to assume they ended up together, in the trash. Jacob called the credit card company immediately and their computer system was down!! So at this point I'm freaking out at the off chance it fell on the floor and someone picked it up and was having a super Saturday night on our dime. Thankfully Sunday Jacob called and there was no other charges on it and they closed it and shipped him a new one.
I basically slept all day Sunday. I didn't feel up to doing anything. I just wanted to lay in bed and be sad. It's interesting how your body knows that there's something about a day even when your brain doesn't realize it. When I dragged myself out of bed and to the computer around 1 I realized it was the 20th. 5 months. I wonder if it will always be like this...
I tried to make myself a new pair of pj pants out of some fabric my mom sent me. Not only did my sewing machine straight break on me (I had to disassemble the whole darn thing and put it back together) but it screwed up sewing so many times. I spent more time ripping out seams then I did actually sewing. But it gets better. When cutting my seam excess I cut the pants not once, but twice. So after spending like 3 hours on a pair of pants that should have taken at most 45 minutes there are two huge holes in it. And then when I tried them on to see if it was even worth attempting to fix the holes I stuck my foot in one of the holes and made it even bigger! AHHHHH!! Needless to say, I ended up bawling on the floor having a complete meltdown.
I'd like to say that I woke up with this weekend behind me and ready to start fresh but that's just not the case. I wish this weekend had never happened! I'm off to cuddle up on the couch with Liam and try to forget about the dirty house I never got cleaned and the huge stack of laundry that I never finished this weekend. Here's hoping today is better...
Basically everything that could possibly go wrong over the weekend did. But especially Saturday evening to Sunday.
Saturday night after having quite a bummer of a day Jacob and I decided to skip church for the evening and go out to eat and catch a movie instead. We only have a babysitter on Tuesdays and Saturdays so we rarely get to go out and do anything because we attend church those nights. Babysitter was of course late, we weren't ready to leave anyway, kids were going nuts as we were trying to leave the house- this should have been a sign... But we decided to pursue dinner and movie anyway.
The movie we wanted to see was at 7 so we didn't have much time to eat since we left late. So we decided to just grab a bite at a taco place we had a coupon for that is in the mall that the theater is in. We first bought our tickets and then scrambled down to the taco place. We spent nearly 20 minute in line waiting because the person in front of us was trying to use a weird coupon that the cashier didn't know how to enter into the computer. By the time we paid and got our food we sat down, inhaled it, and raced back to the theater. I insist on getting popcorn and soda, if I'm going to the movies I MUST have popcorn and soda! Of course the line we got in was the slowest. It took forever and by this point it was 7 o'clock. We get up to order and Jacob has lost his credit card!! Now the really impressive part about this is that he just got it. Literally. He activated it at about 5:30 before we left the house. But he had used it at the taco place so we knew he had it. So I paid cash for my snacks and Jacob raced down to the taco place to see if anyone found it. Which of course they hadn't. Because of all this we were stuck in the second row from the front of the theater. Popcorn was burnt tasting. Soda was flat. Just plain awful. And the movie wasn't that great either.
We never found Jacob's card. I think he must have thrown it in the trash when we cleaned up after eating. I remember the cashier handing it back to him wrapped in his receipt. No receipt anywhere, no card either. It's safe to assume they ended up together, in the trash. Jacob called the credit card company immediately and their computer system was down!! So at this point I'm freaking out at the off chance it fell on the floor and someone picked it up and was having a super Saturday night on our dime. Thankfully Sunday Jacob called and there was no other charges on it and they closed it and shipped him a new one.
I basically slept all day Sunday. I didn't feel up to doing anything. I just wanted to lay in bed and be sad. It's interesting how your body knows that there's something about a day even when your brain doesn't realize it. When I dragged myself out of bed and to the computer around 1 I realized it was the 20th. 5 months. I wonder if it will always be like this...
I tried to make myself a new pair of pj pants out of some fabric my mom sent me. Not only did my sewing machine straight break on me (I had to disassemble the whole darn thing and put it back together) but it screwed up sewing so many times. I spent more time ripping out seams then I did actually sewing. But it gets better. When cutting my seam excess I cut the pants not once, but twice. So after spending like 3 hours on a pair of pants that should have taken at most 45 minutes there are two huge holes in it. And then when I tried them on to see if it was even worth attempting to fix the holes I stuck my foot in one of the holes and made it even bigger! AHHHHH!! Needless to say, I ended up bawling on the floor having a complete meltdown.
I'd like to say that I woke up with this weekend behind me and ready to start fresh but that's just not the case. I wish this weekend had never happened! I'm off to cuddle up on the couch with Liam and try to forget about the dirty house I never got cleaned and the huge stack of laundry that I never finished this weekend. Here's hoping today is better...
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