A New Day

I woke up this morning with a "new day" kinda attitude which was much appreciated. Sometimes I get so caught up in EVERYTHING that each day is just a continuation of the day before and quite frankly that's exhausting. Thanks in part to a phone call from a dear friend last night and having a good heart-to-heart with the hubby, I went to sleep last night with a kind of peace I hadn't felt in awhile.


I refuse to make new year's resolutions, I never stick to them and they always just feel like a defeat in the end. So I've decided that each week I'm going to make a goal, whether it be to start doing something, stop doing something, etc. I've got a lot of things I want to fix in my life that require basically a whole new lifestyle. But those quick fix, fast change plans never seem to stick with me. 


And today's the first day! I've talked for some time about doing a Bible reading plan but never seem to get around to doing it. Honestly, with all that I'm juggling these days to jump on one of these "Bible in 90 days" bandwagons is completely daunting. I want to do this, not attempt to do this and quit because it's frustrating. So last night I found a New Testament in 90 days plan and that's what I'm doing. It's significantly less scary, it's about 4 chapters each day which is totally 100% manageable. 


I just finished reading the first 4 chapters of Matthew. It's quite appropriate that the beginning of the book talks about the birth of Christ. As most of the world has just finished celebrating Christmas (and us too!) the church we are joining operates on the "Old Calendar" meaning they're behind the calendar most people use. Tonight is Christmas Eve in the Orthodox Church and we're going to attend Liturgy preparing us for the birth of Christ tomorrow. It's all kind of weird really, but in a way it's kind of cool for us still because this year we get TWO Christmases! The first was your All-American standard Christmas with decorations and gifts and the second is "the real Christmas" where we exchange no gifts and truly just marvel in the miracle of Christ's birth- the reason for the season if you will. I'm really looking forward to experiencing Christmas in the Orthodox Church for the first time.


So I've done it! I've successfully committed to day 1! It feels pretty good. I think that by doing this all slowly and gradually I'm going to have a higher chance of actually succeeding. I'm not even worrying about plotting out what the goals will be each week at this point, I figure I'll decide when I get there (preferably at least the day before of course). Today's been pretty darn productive otherwise too. I managed to go grocery shopping, clean a little, do a little laundry, and even pack Jack's lunches up to next Friday!


Today was indeed a new day. And tomorrow will be too. And that's what I need to keep focusing on- one day at a time... 

Chaos.

My mind is complete and utter chaos. Plain and simple. I don't even know where to begin anymore.
It's amazing the things I can accomplish if I manage to just shut it off for awhile. But it doesn't seem to be a tangible switch. Sometimes I can do it, sometimes I can't. And that's lame.


Regardless, flipping the switch doesn't fix anything. Doesn't change anything. 


What I need is a switch AND a magic wand. Even then I imagine I'd be out of luck, that would require me figuring out exactly what needs to be fixed... and what "fixing" those things means. 


Yup, I'm a mess. 


With it being a new year and all I want to try to figure out "my plan" for it. What I want to do, not do, things I want to accomplish, things I want to stop doing, blah blah blah. But all these things swirl in my head constantly, until of course, I sit down to write them down. Then they're gone. Nothing but a faint memory of having something to say. 


I really have no right to complain. Things have been pretty good around here. God has blessed us immensely in the last couple weeks. I'm thankful, I really am.


But mostly, I'm just tired. 
Just. Plain. Tired.