What if I just can't do this?

I'm so tired. So tired. Complete and utter exhaustion. My house is a wreck (which is so much worse than usual with chaos amidst Christmas decorations). And this weekend has been terrible. Can I get a break? Just for awhile?
We've been really slacking on a lot of things we had once been so good at. We rarely sit down and eat meals together since Jacob's work schedule is so insane. When we were at Jack's meeting Friday they asked what his eating habits were at home... Insert complete embarrassment. With things being so nuts I really just let him pick whatever he wants and if he refuses to sit at the table I don't push it. It's just not worth the battles these days. And with him being so insanely picky these days I'm really just glad he's eating. Well, this is probably NOT helping the issue of eating lunch at school. My bad. Three year olds just don't understand that things aren't always the same at home and school. So being able to eat whatever, whenever at home is really (more than likely) making lunch time a horrible task for him at school. Ugh. Now we must start regulating home eating yet again. Something we should do anyway, after all, it is the right thing to do. But it's hard... And I just don't want to do it gosh darn it! 
We used to take the boys out on at least one outing per weekend. We really haven't been able to do it lately because Jacob's schedule is INSANE and after last weekend's incident I definitely am not doing it myself. But we should, neither of the boys are going to learn to control themselves in public if they never are. Liam's excellent, but it's because I take him out with me whenever I run errands during the week while Jack's at school. But when the boys get together it's just chaos. Yesterday we tried to take the boys to the Christmas parade in the town next to us. We of course got going late (I was surprisingly on the ball and had everything ready to go and in the car LONG before we left, but a certain someone wouldn't get off the couch and get in the dang shower). I figured we should be close to the start of the parade route because we wouldn't be able to stay for the whole thing because we had a meeting with Jack's in home BCBA an hour and a half after the parade started. Well it was PACKED down by the start. We found a spot behind a woman and her child. Perfect! The boys could be situated so they could see. Well the parade started and up came five adults to sit with that woman and child. Annoying. No one could really see anything. And then Jacob was holding Jack up so he could watch and Jack peed EVERYWHERE! All over himself and Jacob. So we had to leave. Bring on major meltdowns by both children. We dragged two screaming kids back to the car, peeled Jack's soaked pants and pull up off and put on a new one. I of course in my infinite wisdom didn't bring extra pants with us so Jack freaked out about not having pants. He found an empty matchbox package in the back of the car and was screaming about wanting the cars on the back of the package (why do manufacturers do this??). We then had a long drive home through major traffic and detours with Jack screaming in the backseat and Liam yelling at him to stop screaming. Epic Mommy fail. And of course the meeting we had to come home for never even happened. Why can't I get a break?!?
The boys have been up off and on all night for the last two nights. A solid night sleep is really the only thing that gets me through the day. I'm running on empty. 
And none of the things we wanted to get done yesterday got done. Absolutely nothing. Yup, this is me in major pouting mode. 
I refused to go to church this morning. Jacob took both boys with him and went anyway. I should be either cleaning or napping. But I don't want to do either. I've wasted over an hour just staring at the computer screen. I'm going to regret this. 
It's just so hard to do anything when you feel empty inside.